their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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