Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My breasts were aching with rage.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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