at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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