you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's always time for handjobs
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
