I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
