i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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