My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
