I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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