She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
