What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
