I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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