OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
