i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
