Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I AM VODKA MAN
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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