so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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