I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
