That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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