he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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