oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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