went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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