i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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