So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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