I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
