I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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