he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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