At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
