when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
