Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
