yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
