You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
