so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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