dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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