the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
