I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
