WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's when you crack a 10am beer
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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