my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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