I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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