OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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