I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
