billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
