i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
