I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
