i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
