If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
