maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
