Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
