Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
