Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
