Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
