I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
