I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
