You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
