Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
